I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Houston, we have a blender
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
