Are we in a gay sports bar?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
smell my finger.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
