I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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