Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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