Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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