I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
