Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
