i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
