She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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