I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
