My pussy is not your playground.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
