It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
