Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
