i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
