i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
