It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
