its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
