Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
