I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
