YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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