i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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