he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
