I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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