You're so nebulous sometimes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
