her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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