so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
