tell your sister to shave her snatch
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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