awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Randomize
