i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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