The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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