so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
