The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
