Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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