Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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