I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
