So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
