similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
