So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
