Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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