i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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