You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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