Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
