Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
