apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
