Ambien. No doubt about it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
two words...techno handjob
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
