You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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