Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
