If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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