Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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