just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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