girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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