my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
