Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
