He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
