Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
