Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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