Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
