it wasn't lemon gatorade
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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