Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm passing your future prison.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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