I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
