I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
