guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
