he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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