Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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