I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
