i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I bet he comes in French.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
