this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
