I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
