Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
