Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
