Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
