guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
