I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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