I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
