Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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