I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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