i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
