is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
